Repentance

This is the life of a typical Indian girl. 

All her life, she’s told to be independent. To realise the importance of self-reliance. She is told to follow her instincts, to trust her feelings. To hold her ground. To mend her cracks and faults by herself. She is assured, rather ordered, by her parents that relationships are never to be pursued, and that nothing good can ever arise out of  them. That her virginity must be preserved for that special man she will be betrothed to, a man whose name and interests she learnt of just days before the wedding. 

And now she must forget everything she’s been told, and love this man with everything she has got. 

This is what her life had come to. Being thrust away from desire, and then being forced into a lifelong relationship. 

But this wasn’t the biggest issue. 

While she was told to be independent, she was never trusted, never given the opportunity to prove herself. Though told to follow her instincts, she was chided everytime she did so. 

And no, even this wasn’t the biggest issue. 

Throughout this entire journey, there was one thing she missed  out on. She was not taught to love herself, not taught how to. She did not understand her feelings, thoughts and emotions, and couldn’t approach anyone due to the dire lack of empathy around her. So she let her unanswered questions and insecurities fester within, growing with every passing day. 

She is now a woman who feels guilty simply because she dares to dream of a better life. And surely love must be a sham, for she has never felt it a single day of her life. Not for herself, not for anyone else. 

And as she grows this void within grows too, until it is too late to bridge the gap and she’s left feeling something she knows all too well. 

Regret. 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. I love this.
    It’s incredibly relatable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!
      It’s nice to know others feel this way too!

      Liked by 1 person

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